MS. At first, I had no idea what it was. I used to confuse MS with MD. When my doctor first informed me of it. First thing I thought of was Michael J. Fox. But my doctor quickly informed me that what I had was different. On top of that, Michael J. Fox didn’t even have MD. I felt relieved.
Not MD. Michael J. Fox had Parkinson’s. Well. What, is it that I have, Doc?
Devic’s. He thinks. Uuummm. Okay. Well what’s that you ask? My sentiments exactly.
My doc explained it to me like this. The problem I was having with my eye was due to Devic’s. The nerves in my eye were bad. And going bad in my spinal cord. Probably. ‘Lets get an MRI.’ He suggests.
I go have the MRI. Results come back. And my doctor does not call me soon enough. I call him and get no answer. I keep calling. And keep getting no answer. Finally. I email him. ‘What’s up? Doc!’
His reply to my email was simple and plain. ‘You don’t have Devic’s.’
I was so happy to read that. I called him right back. He answered, this time. I let him know how happy I was with the news. Even though I had prepared myself for the worst. I could have taken bad news at that time.
And little did I know. Bad news is what he actually had to give me.
‘Yes. It’s not Devic’s. But. Easy, now.’
Easy. Now? What?
Hold up. Hold my phone!
If it’s not Devic’s, that’s great. Right?
‘Well. Yes and no.’ He replied.
‘The MRI shows lesions on your brain. Similar to Devic’s but more inclined to be ‘Multiple Sclerosis.’
Okay. During my brief investigation into this Devic’s disease, I heard of the term Multiple Sclerosis. But. Why, me?
What did I do to deserve this? Karma can not be this bad. Can it?
Was it karma for that BMX bike I stole when I was nine? That boy just didn’t ride it right.
Was it the Bacardi I always skimmed off the top when making my Nana’s drinks? Why you gonna have a toddler play bartender, anyway?
Or was it one of the many hearts I had broken as a young boy? Karma can get you for that!
And now that karma has gotten me back for some dumb stuff I did as a boy. Or even as a younger man. Either way. I’m living with it.
I often appear as normal as the next man. Except I get really tired. Really, really quick. I can’t even play ball like I used to.
I was playing basketball with my sons and my youngest son ran all over me. Up and down the half court. I think I may have even stumbled four or five times.
I just can’t do the things that I used to do.
I can’t even be in the sun for too long. It aggravates my symptoms. Too much sun and heat. Oh boy! A recipe for destruction. Self destruction.
So. Only as recent as a couple of years ago, did I not understand this fully.
It didn’t make sense to me that the things I was doing just a couple of years ago, would be so difficult for me to do today.
Walk down the street. Walk up a few flights of stairs. Run for a bus. Be in the swimming pool or just water, too long.
Yep, take a bath or a shower, then go take a nap. Trying to explain this to someone who doesn’t have MS, that the simple act of taking a shower could be so exhausting, really makes one look crazy and lazy! No, I am NOT lazy, I would gladly walk away from this MS, if I could. I have a life to live, but thanks to MS, I have to live it a lot differently, then I had it envisioned in my mind.
I find I get so angry at the fatigue…. the pain, I can deal with… the fatigue is something else.
I’m always tired. I wake up tired. I stand there doing the dishes. I’m tired. I sit in the car and ride for two hours or more. Fuhgidaboudit. I’m too tired, then.